he holds my heart.

You see this guy right here. He holds my heart. He’s held it since 2010. 

He’s held it as its shattered over the losses of 3 children. He’s held it as we rejoiced and welcomed our Lennox into the world. 

He’s held it when I didn’t want to hold Him. He’s held it imperfectly because he is imperfect. He’s held it even when I gave him every reason to set it aside and walk away.

He’s held my heart as it chased after the Lord. He’s held it as I questioned every thing the Lord was doing.

He’s the glue that holds our marriage together. But really, it’s not him at all.

Because his heart is held by the Lord. He’s not boastful or “showy” in the way he chases after God. He simply loves the Lord and then loves others well.

Today our pastor asked me who I wanted to be like. I wrote that question down in my notes and thought it over- I wasn’t sure at first.

And even until I sat down to write I wasn’t sure what was going to come out. But here it is: if there were one person I’d want my life to be modeled after: it’s him. 

I always feel like I need to disclaimer that we don’t have a perfect marriage. Far from it. But if there’s one thing I’ve always known, it’s that marrying this man was my first perfect decision.

There’s no one who pushes my buttons or challenges me to be the best version of myself, like he does.

He believes in me even when I don’t believe in myself. He finds the good in most everything. He gives his time,money, and resources without expecting anything in return 

Even on the days I don’t like him much, I go to bed loving him. I wake up loving him.

He’ll probably be embarrassed that I even dedicated an entire post to him, but I just couldn’t help it.

Something in me needed him to know that he’s admired and cherished, even when he feels as if he’s not.

One day when I grow up I want to be just like him.

He holds my heart, and I know it’s safe.❤️