your grace is sufficient for me

Over the weekend Zak and I experienced our first middle of the night phone call from DHS. The phone call was soon followed by a knock at the door, where I was greeted (with tears) by the cutest 5 year old girl, and 2 year old boy. My heart instantly broke for them. They were tired, scared, and about to enter a home full of complete strangers. I yearned to take their pain away, and was instantly reminded of the pain I held in my own heart from the week's unfortunate events. In that moment I knew the Lord was doing for me, what I was trying to do for those kids. My heart felt a sense of peace, and I scooped up the baby and rocked him in my arms. No amount of comfort would have been enough in that moment, because I wasn't his momma. But for a brief moment I felt like the Lord scooped me up, and for me, in the middle of the night it was enough. There's absolutely no way I could be standing without Him.

As I sat there trying to calm the two kids that I had just been trusted to care for, I felt like the most blessed girl in the entire world. I didn't know how long my time with the two of them would last, but I knew no matter how long I had them that I would be intentional about sharing my love for the Lord with them. One of the biggest blessings of my life was praying over those sweet babies as I laid them to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. I prayed for their sweet dreams, and rest. I prayed for their mom, and the situation, but above all I prayed that the two of them would come to know Christ through their time with us. 

I've always known that the Lord works in mysterious ways. I've never felt more "out of the loop" with God than I have during my two miscarriages. I was upset, and honestly I just didn't understand why I had to go through the pain of losing another child...and even though I still don't understand, and won't this side of Heaven, I know that the love Christ has for me far surpasses any situation.

I felt that love in the early hours of the morning. I felt His peace surround me, and guide me through a situation that I had never encountered before. I can say that I wasn't prepared for the amount of hurt that comes into your home the moment you say yes to caring for foster children. Of course I knew that they would be upset, potentially angry, and certainly confused. But I saw sorrow in their eyes like I never could have imagined.

I wasn't there to save them, or be some sort of hero. I was there to be who I am and offer what I had. Which to them was a bowl of fruity pebbles, two arms to hold them, and a warm, safe place to sleep. I felt like I didn't have much to give, I was worn out and overwhelmed. But God supplied me with every bit of strength I needed to make it through.

These two littles didn't stay with us long. In fact- it was less than a full 48 hours. But the impact they've left on my heart is enough to last me a lifetime. During a week where I felt beaten down, and betrayed by my body yet again- Christ was there to fill me up. He allowed to be a mom, when I had just lost my second chance at being one.

He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!-Psalm 113:9

In the moment my stomach became empty, my arms became full. I can't explain the amount of joy that filled my heart. I've never felt more secure in the Lord's faithfulness than in that moment. He took the broken, beaten down pieces that remained of me- and restored me.

What a blessing it was to care for those children, and what a complete joy it was to watch them be reunited with their mom. She hugged my neck, and thanked me with tears in her eyes for taking care of her children. What she didn't know was how much her children had taken care of me.

I know that every situation with foster children will be different, and not all will end or begin the way this one did. But praise God!

I will continue to lean on Him in the moments I cannot stand, and know full well that He is more than enough for me.

- Your grace is sufficient for me,your strength is made perfect when I am weak. And all that I cling to, I lay at your feet. Your grace is sufficient for me.