the twinge of guilt
No mom is exempt to the feeling of guilt. It's one of the things all of us mama's have in common.
I felt a big dose of it this morning, and for the past 8 hours or so my heart has raced as I've tried to move past it.
This morning was different than most. I had to work an after hours event last night, so this morning I needed to adjust my schedule and come in later than normal.
I was able to "sleep in" until 6:30 and instead of my normal rushing around, I was able to travel at a slower pace.
A pace I haven't known since my daughter was 10 weeks old. Most mornings are a blur. Up much earlier than I'd like, and going full speed by the time my feet reach the floor. We are out the door by 7:10 every morning, and I'm in my office by 7:30.
If I'm honest- I hate this fast pace. I don't find enjoyment in it, and most days I find incredible guilt in the fact that I have to rush through precious moments with my baby, who won't be a baby for much longer.
I never felt that form of guilt before. It sneaks up on you, and often when you least expect it.
As I walked into my daughters room this morning I didn't have to wake her up, and rush to get her dressed. I flipped on the lights, waited for her to finish sitting up in her crib, and then I grabbed her and walked straight to the big comfy chair I so carefully picked out before she was born.
We sat together and rocked until she was ready to stop cuddling (a time that always comes faster for her than it does for me.) And then we rolled into her normal routine, but at a pace I much more enjoyed.
I actually was able to rock Lennox this morning, and focus on spending time with her instead of frantically trying to get everything that needs to be done before we walk out the door done.
As a mom who works full time can I just say how hard it truly is. Yes, I am doing what I need to do to help provide for my family...but dang, let's be honest. It is flat out HARD.
And some days are much harder than others, I enjoyed every second of my morning with Lennox, and finally came to realize that I just won't be rushing anymore. There will always be another 10 minutes to spend at work, but there won't always be an extra 10 minutes to invest in what truly matters.
And don't get me wrong, I find joy in the work I do. I believe it's for a bigger purpose than just bringing home a paycheck, or else I'd figure out a way to just be with Lennox all day long.
But what I've come to realize after this morning, is that there are moments I can never recreate with Lennox, and I am no longer going to be a slave to the guilt I feel after I rush us both through our mornings with one another.
She deserves more than that. And my mama heart deserves more than that too.
I hope where ever you find yourself today, you stop and think about these things: Don't let the guilt rob you of the joy that motherhood should bring.
I'm over living in the guilt of what I may miss- and instead choose to live in the joy of the time I have with her without rushing through it.
So please encourage me, remind me, and flat out ask me how I'm doing with slowing down our pace.
Our babies won't be babies long, and I plan to soak up every second of it.
I felt a big dose of it this morning, and for the past 8 hours or so my heart has raced as I've tried to move past it.
This morning was different than most. I had to work an after hours event last night, so this morning I needed to adjust my schedule and come in later than normal.
I was able to "sleep in" until 6:30 and instead of my normal rushing around, I was able to travel at a slower pace.
A pace I haven't known since my daughter was 10 weeks old. Most mornings are a blur. Up much earlier than I'd like, and going full speed by the time my feet reach the floor. We are out the door by 7:10 every morning, and I'm in my office by 7:30.
If I'm honest- I hate this fast pace. I don't find enjoyment in it, and most days I find incredible guilt in the fact that I have to rush through precious moments with my baby, who won't be a baby for much longer.
I never felt that form of guilt before. It sneaks up on you, and often when you least expect it.
As I walked into my daughters room this morning I didn't have to wake her up, and rush to get her dressed. I flipped on the lights, waited for her to finish sitting up in her crib, and then I grabbed her and walked straight to the big comfy chair I so carefully picked out before she was born.
We sat together and rocked until she was ready to stop cuddling (a time that always comes faster for her than it does for me.) And then we rolled into her normal routine, but at a pace I much more enjoyed.
I actually was able to rock Lennox this morning, and focus on spending time with her instead of frantically trying to get everything that needs to be done before we walk out the door done.
As a mom who works full time can I just say how hard it truly is. Yes, I am doing what I need to do to help provide for my family...but dang, let's be honest. It is flat out HARD.
And some days are much harder than others, I enjoyed every second of my morning with Lennox, and finally came to realize that I just won't be rushing anymore. There will always be another 10 minutes to spend at work, but there won't always be an extra 10 minutes to invest in what truly matters.
And don't get me wrong, I find joy in the work I do. I believe it's for a bigger purpose than just bringing home a paycheck, or else I'd figure out a way to just be with Lennox all day long.
But what I've come to realize after this morning, is that there are moments I can never recreate with Lennox, and I am no longer going to be a slave to the guilt I feel after I rush us both through our mornings with one another.
She deserves more than that. And my mama heart deserves more than that too.
I hope where ever you find yourself today, you stop and think about these things: Don't let the guilt rob you of the joy that motherhood should bring.
I'm over living in the guilt of what I may miss- and instead choose to live in the joy of the time I have with her without rushing through it.
So please encourage me, remind me, and flat out ask me how I'm doing with slowing down our pace.
Our babies won't be babies long, and I plan to soak up every second of it.
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