and tonight the heartaches on me..
Two days ago we saw a glimmer of hope. We saw a door cracking open that we thought had been shut for good. We thought we'd spend this Christmas surrounded by two little girls who needed a place to stay. We thought there would be giggles, matching pajama's, and toys spread across our living room floor.
Instead we find ourselves in a place we've come to know- it's a heartache you've tried to prepare yourself for, but never seem to make it to that point.
After I received the call that we wouldn't have these two girls for Christmas I began to feel sorry for zak and I, but God quickly changed that train of thought. I will gladly take a thousand heartbreaks if it means that those sweet babies don't have to. I can make it through another Christmas without hearing those giggles or dodging toys spread across the floor- because those two babies will be with mom. What a blessing it will be for them to wake up with her on Christmas morning. When you enter into the world of foster care/adoption you almost become hardened to these parents. You feel like they've taken the greatest blessings they've ever been given for granted- especially when you feel such a strong desire to be a mom. But over the past few days God has been working on my heart about that. About the pain and destruction these parents must feel. They don't become these "bad parents" over night, it's gradual and it's painful and it's awful in every sense of the word. But they are loved so completely by the same God that loves me, and tonight, even as I deal with the heartbreak of missing out on these two precious girls, I will choose to rejoice for them as well.
I will take the heartache.
And one day I'll hear those giggles on Christmas morning because God was faithful before, he's faithful now, and he'll be faithful then too.
Instead we find ourselves in a place we've come to know- it's a heartache you've tried to prepare yourself for, but never seem to make it to that point.
After I received the call that we wouldn't have these two girls for Christmas I began to feel sorry for zak and I, but God quickly changed that train of thought. I will gladly take a thousand heartbreaks if it means that those sweet babies don't have to. I can make it through another Christmas without hearing those giggles or dodging toys spread across the floor- because those two babies will be with mom. What a blessing it will be for them to wake up with her on Christmas morning. When you enter into the world of foster care/adoption you almost become hardened to these parents. You feel like they've taken the greatest blessings they've ever been given for granted- especially when you feel such a strong desire to be a mom. But over the past few days God has been working on my heart about that. About the pain and destruction these parents must feel. They don't become these "bad parents" over night, it's gradual and it's painful and it's awful in every sense of the word. But they are loved so completely by the same God that loves me, and tonight, even as I deal with the heartbreak of missing out on these two precious girls, I will choose to rejoice for them as well.
I will take the heartache.
And one day I'll hear those giggles on Christmas morning because God was faithful before, he's faithful now, and he'll be faithful then too.
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