clinging to the rock that is higher than I.

I'm going to get really honest with yall in this post. so bare with me, because it's hard to put into words what I want to say.

I haven't cried much about Riley in what feels like a long time. I got to the point where I could speak about our miscarriage without completely losing it, and I felt like sharing how I felt about the experience could potentially help someone else.

But yesterday was different. I sat through our church service with what seemed like a mixture of happiness in knowing Christ is risen, and sadness in not having a beautiful 3 month old baby there with me.

It hit me all of a sudden, and it was almost overwhelming. I kept it together all through church, and then through the Lowry's Easter get together, but when we got home and it was just Zak and I, I allowed myself to feel every bit of that emotion.

I cried, and Zak comforted me as best he could.

I don't know how to adequately describe the pain that forever marks your heart when you lose a baby, but I can provide you some insight.

• It is a lasting pain- it's not something I'm going to forget. it's not something I'm going to "get over". I will carry this loss with me for the rest of my life,  but that doesn't mean I'll allow this loss to overtake my joy.

• Don't accuse us of being "overly-sensitive". I saw a post a friend made on April Fool's Day about hoping that people wouldn't make fake pregnancy announcements as a joke. I read through the comments that some people left, and they were nasty and uncalled for. If you've never lost a child before you had the chance to meet them, then you don't understand. and that' ok- we don't expect you to know what we're feeling. However, it's not too much to ask that you at least show some form of empathy. You may not be, or have been where we are- but compassion is always an option.

• When I'm scrolling through my news feed and see a pregnancy announcement I am filled with both joy and jealousy. I wish that weren't the case, but it is. There's a piece of my heart that feels the sting of sadness in knowing that it hasn't happened for me. Please don't misunderstand me, I am overjoyed for each of my friends that are either currently expecting, or have recently had children. I love each of your babies, and hope that you know that.

• God has a bigger plan. I can only see my life in snap shots, God sees the bigger picture. It's been 10 months since I lost our sweet baby, and as I look back over those 10 months I'm reminded of God's faithfulness. I will see our baby face to face one day, I will hold them in my arms and I'll see the bigger picture.

I love sharing my heart with each and every one of you.

please feel free to comment on my post- i want to know and pray for each of you!