dear riley

Dear Riley,

Happy birth month. 

I wish more than anything that I could meet you face to face this month, I wish I could hear your first cry and wrap you in my arms. Instead I'll celebrate your birth month far from you. I've dreaded this month since I lost you. I never knew I could love someone I've never met as much as I love you.

There are so many things I will never know about you this side of heaven. I will never know if you would have been daddy's girl or momma's precious baby boy. I'll never know how it feels to rock you to sleep, or if you would have had my baby blues or your daddy's hazel eyes. I'll never watch you smile or laugh or even cry. There are so many things I would give up to hear you make any of those sweet sounds.

For all the things I'll never know there are things I know for certain- I am your mom, and you will always hold a special piece of my heart. I know you have the best dad in the entire world, and I can't wait to see the two of you together.  I know without a doubt that you are being well taken care of until the day I can take care of you myself. I imagine my granny and your daddy's grams taking turns spoiling you. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that God called you back to him because he is good, all the time regardless of the pain the situation brought.

My mom, your grammie, bought me a beautiful bracelet for Christmas. I wear it every day, and each time I look at it I remember you.

I know that there is a celebration in Heaven unlike any party I could throw you down here. I pray that you somehow know how special you are to us. You are a part of everything we do, and a part of every bit of who I am. You will always be our precious first baby.

Know that until we meet I'll be missing you.

Love,
Your mom.